When Words are not Enough
One of my favorite books, Cold Sassy Tree, has driven me to tears, laughter and personal reflection all in the same moment. It’s weird laughing and crying at the same time. But powerful words, words that tug at our emotions, our inner selves, can have that kind of effect on us, either to enhance life or debase it.
One morning I opened my e-mail and read a letter by a very angry church member. To say that he was offended by my sermon would be an understatement! The more I read, the more I felt my blood beginning to boil. I felt his criticisms were unfair and that he had completely misunderstood the point I was trying to make in my message. Quickly I pressed “Reply” and began to type my response, venting my wrath at his crudely written and hateful letter. After 15 minutes or so of furiously pounding away at the keyboard, I paused. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. After all, I thought, as pastor I’m supposed to be a healer of wounds, not one who picks at them.
I called my assistant into the room where she read my scorching diatribe. Without hesitation she said, “Absolutely not,” and, without even asking me, deleted what I had written! At first I was taken back by what I thought was her rather impulsive act, but then realized I had hired the right person. She was protecting me from an action that would only further inflame my critic. There has to be a better way to respond to those who hurt us other than an eye for an eye. Otherwise the whole world will become blind!
While words are powerful, they are also bloodless and can make a bad situation even worse. By that I mean there is no human touch, no personal presence, no face or eye contact. When I finally worked through my own anger, I called the church member and asked him to have lunch with me. Nervously, I walked into the restaurant, expecting the worst, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t show up, but there he was, looking every bit as uncomfortable as I. In the first few minutes of our conversation, I could tell he was still agitated, but as we talked and listened to each other, we both began to relax and appreciate the other person’s point of view. Before dessert arrived we were sharing our faith journeys and learning that we had each taken very different paths.
When the conversation had started our eyes met only intermittently, purposely avoiding contact, but now we studied each other, trying to find hints of understanding. Slowly, the tension and distrust faded. Our words had become embodied with flesh and blood and that human presence had drained much of the anger out of them. We came to the table ready to engage in verbal combat, but after several hours of personal interaction, we left searching for ways to reconcile.
I’m so thankful I didn’t press “Send.”
I think one reason why social media can be destructive is because people can write mean and hateful words without ever having to face their readers. To vent outrage and bitter feelings on a blank screen and push “send” may make us feel better, but what do we really accomplish? Does hate-filled speech move people to admit the error of their ways? Probably not.
The wise counsel of Solomon provides food for thought in these contentious times: “A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger (Prov. 15:1). As people of faith, is it our mission to stir up anger? Seems I read somewhere that we are to be peacemakers. If I understand Solomon correctly, he seems to be saying that there are times when we all need someone to press the “delete” key!
